Fashion |

Peter Pan syndrome (PPS), “while not a recognized diagnosis, is a popular psychology term used to describe an adult who has difficulty growing up.”

I have a long-standing love for Peter Pan collars, so I thought I’d incorporate it into the topic for today’s post. 😀

Is age just a number? Like many topics, it depends on the category and who you ask.

Julie means “youthful,” and for most of my life I have held on to elements of childlike wonder and humor. I was married at 23, and for fourteen years I would say I was coddled a fair bit. Since we were unable to have children, there was not really a need to grow up a whole lot. Even my ailing mother-in-law that we took care of only referred to me as “Baby” and regularly fussed over my apparent inability to dress appropriately for the elements. I also have a father who was Mr. Fix-It. He took care of all the heavy lifting and ensured our family was provided and cared for. In a word, I was spoiled.

In March 2022 my world was flipped upside-down. I had to learn in a big hurry how to take care of myself, my four senior pets, and a home and yard. It wasn’t long after that that Cato came into my life, but he did not assume that caretaker role, at least not for a while. That was mostly due to a combination of my pride, his own life/living separately, and personality. It was important to me to learn to stand on my own two feet. I needed to prove to myself that I could do hard things. I desired to provide my own validation and emotional support (admittedly I’m still terrible at it). I also had to learn to accept grace and take the help that was offered. I leaned on my girlfriends a lot more. I immersed myself in church activities. I tried counseling. There has been so much to learn and honestly, I look at everything that has happened now with a sense of awe and gratitude. Things may not look the way I expected them to or thought I wanted (and I’d be lying if I said I don’t still have moments of grief), but it’s even better than that. Because it’s in the struggle and hardships where God shines the brightest. It’s in the unexpected gifts of feeling cherished in ways like never going hungry or being without some treat or pampering service (Cato’s way of showing love). And when I agreed to let him help me with my trees and fence repair, I marveled at how well we work together. He values my opinion and leans heavily on my input. There’s a strong sense of being needed and valued that I didn’t even know I was missing. The deepening relationships and time with my girlfriends has also left me so grateful and humbled. And my mom….while she has always been my rock, she has had to go above and beyond what a mother should have to do for her almost 40 year old daughter. How many nights or early mornings did I call her, inconsolable and broken? And when I was deathly ill (not an exaggeration) for most of November, she swooped in and got me back on my feet. But my favorite thing about her is that she always points me back to the Lord. He is my refuge and strength. And He has provided in a huge way by putting these people in my life.

So yes, I had to grow up in a big hurry. This new chapter is about stepping up and flexing my own capable muscles. Swallowing fear and uncertainty and embracing the risks of the unknown. Learning to trust again and being a good steward of my time and energy. But also, to hang on to some of that childlike wonder. A few weeks ago I heard myself giggling over something so small and silly, and I paused mid-giggle to marvel at the novelty of it. I hope I see more of her. 🙂

I was feeling nostalgic. Do people blog anymore? Does it even matter? This blog was such a fun outlet for me 10 years ago when I tried to give up shopping for a year and subjected everyone to my outfit ensembles and bizarre stories. I think I’ve hidden most of the posts except the “style tips and tricks for a pear shape,” but let’s go down memory lane and take a look at some of these gems:

My first outfit post, Jan 2, 2013. Nothing says fashion blogger like a mailbox and some dead grass. The bonus you probably missed is the dead Christmas tree by my feet that we put out on the curb. Also, pretty sure I still have that necklace. Pretty sure I shouldn’t still have it.

The “Pose in Front of Strange Murals to Look Interesting”

The Quintessential “Pose with a Beverage” (and my baby face!)

Now that I am halfway through my last year in my 30s, I thought I’d dust this old blog off and see where it takes me. As my 40s loom before me like a dark tunnel ready to engulf a speeding train, I am taking stock of where I’m at. Personally. Spiritually. Professionally. And of course, fashion-ally 😉 If anything, I think it will be a therapeutic journey to document this next phase of life.

A year quietly came and went that marked my divorce. A year passed that ushered in a new relationship. Right before the divorce, I left the university after 13 years and started a new position in a different industry. In that same year, I lost two of my four pets (and the last of the three cats is showing clear signs that she is gearing up for her departure to the Rainbow Bridge). My dog also turned 13 in December! Going through this last year with four aging pets and learning about the challenges of home ownership in a house and yard that is ridiculous for one person to maintain has been an adventure in and of itself.

I probably should have been writing my way through last year, which I did to an extent in a journal (that probably should be burned one day), but ultimately it was just too much to even consider. As someone who is terrified of change, I took a revolving door of it right in the kisser. There were many days I didn’t think I could get out of bed (sometimes I didn’t), never mind articulate what was happening. Additionally, I carried and still carry a fair bit of guilt about other people having it worse, and not focusing on the blessings- which have been many.

I’m still trying to decide how much to share about past and current struggles, as I have no desire to drag my ex husband through the mud (we’ve both moved on), and want to protect and honor my current relationship. That being said, what is the point of going through hard things if you can’t use them to help someone else? So, my challenge will be to address the struggles and triggers without airing too much dirty laundry, while still making indulgent outfit posts. Wish me luck!